But Seriously, I Hope He's Okay

Your father is so fat... I can see why he married your overweight mother.

Your father is so fat... he was probably a smoker when he was younger and quit at some point.

Your father is so fat... I mean seriously. Look, the truth hurts.

Your father is so fat... that I'm guessing your dad wasn't coaching your youth soccer team and doing a lot of running along the sidelines. Or maybe he even ate your youth soccer teammates. Who knows? You haven't seen them lately, have you?

Follow up:

If you were the sort of person who were on Twitter and followed people (specifically @signalstation, @stanleylieber and @godownmatthew) you might have seen this bonus content today as well.

stanleylieber: your dad's so fat he gets out of the pool with ring around the butt

godownmatthew: your dad's so fat he had trouble meeting women after he left your mom.

signalstation: Both of your fathers are so fat that you should both be concerned about inheriting a slow metabolism.

stanleylieber: your father's so broke you have to leave school next semester

signalstation: Your father is so fat, childhood games of catch were more like games of 'hoo, I'm hot, I'm going to head in, you have fun'

godownmatthew: your dad's so fat he thought global warming was a microwave setting.

signalstation: Your father is so fat that when he leaned in for an I'm-proud-of-you-hug, it was like an eclipse. Both re: light & rarity.

godownmatthew: your dad's so fat you have a recurring dream that you're a sandwich and something about it just feels right.