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Work colleague via IM: A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down, and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, “Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter, and you didn’t even pay for your sandwich!”
“Hey, man, I’m a PANDA!” the panda shouts back. “Look it up!”
The manager opens his dictionary and reads:
Panda: A tree-dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.
M. SignalStation: Pandas are not known for their grasp of the structure of English and the importance of punctuation. Being native to China, it's a miracle they understand enough English to even get to the point where they can order sandwiches, so some credit has to be given, regardless of the price paid by the waiter's family and the owner of the establishment.
pete toms: I agree with you. I also found myself wondering how the bear got a carry-license for the handgun. I mean, I get that you can't really deny a Panda if he wants to come into your restaurant and order a sandwich, especially if you have bamboo sandwiches on the menu, but if he comes into your gun shop, I feel like there has to be some law that stops him from concealing the gun you sell him.
M. SignalStation: Then again, most holsters are black. Can he really be said to be concealing his weapon if the holster and gun happen to match his natural coloration? I suppose if panda gunplay becomes an issue in the community, it might become necessary to pass laws to force gun manufacturers to add bright colors to weapons, in the same way that toy guns have brightly colored tips. Potential drawback: by coloring actual weapons like toy weapons, we've once again increased the potential for police accidentally shooting children, mistaking toy guns for actual guns. And most people prefer the shooting of children to be deliberate, not accidental. And rare. I should mention that: rare. When justified.
pete toms: You're right. I guess it's unfair of me to try to second-guess an event after it's already happened. What's important is for the community to heal, and then try to figure out if they believe this is an isolated incident, if this is part of a larger panda-education problem, or a gun control problem, or if dictionary publishers should be more responsible, or if this panda was just being a wise-ass, or if this was some personal vendetta covered up by the given explanation. Not to play conspiracy-theorist but the dictionary doesn't specifically say 'shoot the waiter.'