Q: Who put the bomp in the bomp-sh-bomp-sh-bomp? Also, who put the ram in the rama-lama-ding-dong?

A: This is what the internet was invented for. To enable you to find the answers to these questions. But apparently you're too busy, so here you go: The Marcels (Cornelius Harp, Fred Johnson, Gene Bricker, Ron Mundy, and Richard Knauss) are responsible for adding the former to their rendition of "Blue Moon" and The Edsels (George 'Wydell' Jones, Larry Green, James Reynolds, Harry Green, and Marshall Sewell) are responsible for the latter, unless there was some uncredited song-writing going on for either outfit. This took all of five minutes of research. Seriously, you could have answered this for yourself. Does your mommy still dress you? Does she pre-chew your food and let it drip into your open, crying mouth?

You sicken me.

Read more »

Q: Are you keeping it real?

A: The ugly little truth about drug addiction and all attempts to outlaw chemical substances is that the reason that all drugs work on the human body is because we've already got these chemical receptors built into our very neural system that have been designed to accept the drugs... and that's because the human body already has analogs-- if not the chemicals themselves-- already inside of it. The drugs wouldn't work on us if we weren't already making them ourselves. We just don't have ready access to them or their effects. There have been times when patterned carpet has seemed to be undulating for me. That's a fact. There have been times when I've wondered if I'm a particularly complicated avatar for some other being and every task I'm faced with is some sort of mini-game that they enjoy playing with. Right now, I'm playing the type-letters-into-a-glowy-box game and I think I'm winning. So to answer your question: I have no idea. How could I know what "real" is?

Read more »

The deal: I messed about with Formspring.me for awhile, but the server kept going down, plus some of the site doesn't display right in Firefox, so I gave up on it. But there's decent content there and I hate to see it go to waste, so this is part of my recycling program. Save the earth!*)

---

Q: How can you mend a broken heart?

A: There are many theories about this. Some believe that the best unguent is time itself, applied liberally. Others-- those who have spent time studying at medical institutions-- have a variety of clamps to apply, sutures to stitch, shunts to place... but I personally think the best answer is to turn the question on the questioner and say "What do you have against broken hearts, Mac? Some of my best friends are broken hearts!" And it's true. We have a club. We keep scrap books of stuff stolen from ex-lovers. We write poetry in anonymous weblogs. Perhaps you've read our work?

Read more »

From the mind of godownmatthew @ Twitter comes a franchise relaunch that'll knock your socks straight into the hamper. Reformatted and republished here because Amanda hates reading long things in reverse on Twitter, and who can blame her.

--

godownmatthew: ROBOCOP VS TERMINATOR: just as Skynet is about to become sentient, OCP launches a billion dollar lawsuit against Cyberdyne.

Robocop has 'uphold copyright law' added to his prime directives.

Spends much of the beginning of the film shooting guys selling bootleg Simpsons and Family Guy merchandise.

Read more »

Your father is so fat... I can see why he married your overweight mother.

Your father is so fat... he was probably a smoker when he was younger and quit at some point.

Your father is so fat... I mean seriously. Look, the truth hurts.

Your father is so fat... that I'm guessing your dad wasn't coaching your youth soccer team and doing a lot of running along the sidelines. Or maybe he even ate your youth soccer teammates. Who knows? You haven't seen them lately, have you?

Read more »