CORNERING A MARKET NO-ONE WANTS: People claim to want originality but when confronted with the real thing they’re repelled . Because it's new there's no receptor slot in their head to comfortably receive it. But since this is all I write, I'm stuck dealing in a thing deemed poison to all.

Stephen Aylett, guest-blogging at WarrenEllis.com.

Admitting that you've been to a seance is like admitting that you've played bingo. Nobody's going to be impressed. Even if you do attend a seance, all you're probably going to hear is "Yes, Mabel, your Albert is very happy on the other side." One look at Mabel and you'll probably understand why.

From Bluff Your Way in the Occult, P.J. Owens & Alexander C. Rae, 1985.

Q: Who put the bomp in the bomp-sh-bomp-sh-bomp? Also, who put the ram in the rama-lama-ding-dong?

A: This is what the internet was invented for. To enable you to find the answers to these questions. But apparently you're too busy, so here you go: The Marcels (Cornelius Harp, Fred Johnson, Gene Bricker, Ron Mundy, and Richard Knauss) are responsible for adding the former to their rendition of "Blue Moon" and The Edsels (George 'Wydell' Jones, Larry Green, James Reynolds, Harry Green, and Marshall Sewell) are responsible for the latter, unless there was some uncredited song-writing going on for either outfit. This took all of five minutes of research. Seriously, you could have answered this for yourself. Does your mommy still dress you? Does she pre-chew your food and let it drip into your open, crying mouth?

You sicken me.

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Q: Are you keeping it real?

A: The ugly little truth about drug addiction and all attempts to outlaw chemical substances is that the reason that all drugs work on the human body is because we've already got these chemical receptors built into our very neural system that have been designed to accept the drugs... and that's because the human body already has analogs-- if not the chemicals themselves-- already inside of it. The drugs wouldn't work on us if we weren't already making them ourselves. We just don't have ready access to them or their effects. There have been times when patterned carpet has seemed to be undulating for me. That's a fact. There have been times when I've wondered if I'm a particularly complicated avatar for some other being and every task I'm faced with is some sort of mini-game that they enjoy playing with. Right now, I'm playing the type-letters-into-a-glowy-box game and I think I'm winning. So to answer your question: I have no idea. How could I know what "real" is?

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The deal: I messed about with Formspring.me for awhile, but the server kept going down, plus some of the site doesn't display right in Firefox, so I gave up on it. But there's decent content there and I hate to see it go to waste, so this is part of my recycling program. Save the earth!*)

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Q: How can you mend a broken heart?

A: There are many theories about this. Some believe that the best unguent is time itself, applied liberally. Others-- those who have spent time studying at medical institutions-- have a variety of clamps to apply, sutures to stitch, shunts to place... but I personally think the best answer is to turn the question on the questioner and say "What do you have against broken hearts, Mac? Some of my best friends are broken hearts!" And it's true. We have a club. We keep scrap books of stuff stolen from ex-lovers. We write poetry in anonymous weblogs. Perhaps you've read our work?

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