Lost Time Incident

April 15, 2003

Justice & Lost Eggs

Earl: So they've been after your chickens.

Baynard: Ayup.

Earl: God damn.

Baynard: Ayup.

Earl: Chickens are stupid animals, is the problem.

Baynard: ...

Earl: You don't agree.

Baynard: A-nope.

Earl: What the smartest thing you've ever seen a chicken do?

Baynard: Maybe it's just your chickens are stupid, Earl. But even with this chicken-stealing goblin problem I got, I continue to be nothing less than amazed by the capabilities of my hens.

Earl: Oh yeah?

Baynard: There was this one time when a goblin snuck in wearing a chicken suit. Had a hood with a beak, a vest covered with feathers, and he even stuck some hard-boiled eggs in his pants in case he had to fake laying some eggs.

Earl: Uh huh.

Baynard: But the chickens found him out right away. Turned out the idiot had sewed a cock's comb on his jacket's hood. Ain't no rooster in the world that lays eggs.

Earl: Well, the goblin made a stupid mistake. That doesn't make the chickens smart.

Baynard: Well, after they caught him, they put him on trial. I was working in the garden when I heard all this clucking and I watched some hens pecking this goblin out ahead of them, marching him over to the big maple tree. At the base of the tree, a rooster had climbed up on an old apple crate and while I watched, they clucked out some fierce arguments, then after the rooster crowed something or other, they tore the goblin apart. It was a big feathered whirlwind right there on my farm and then they went back to scratching and bug-eating and there weren't any more goblin.

Earl: Well.

Baynard: And that's a fact.

Earl: Their own judicial system?

Baynard: Ayup.

Earl: Man alive. The only thing I ever seen chickens do was paint abstracts with their own excrement and convince other livestock to pay too much for 'em.

Baynard: Huh.

Earl: Ayup.

Posted by Michael at April 15, 2003 10:09 AM