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July 23, 2003
Did You Get My Message?
Bottle #1.
Written on the front and back of an ATM slip. Found 4.15.03 inside a bottle on the beach near the Harbour View Hotel, island of Pohnpei.
JASON: I have not yet forgiven you for leaving me on this island. I saw the boat you left on and spent thirty minutes regretting pulling you out of the burning airplane. I'm sorry I laughed when you twisted your ankle on the rocks, but you are clumsy, you know that. That's no reason to leave me here when you got rescued.
Bottle #2
Written on white fabric (cotton underpants fragment?). Found 4.18.03 in a bottle washed up on shore near Walung Village, island of Kosrae.
JASON: Remember that monkey we thought we saw that you named Mr. Chimp? Well fuck you, I renamed it "Jason." I haven't seen it again but if I do, I'm going to throw rocks at it. I used your entire precious tube of chapstick, just wiping it on trees. Ha ha. You better hope I don't get off this island. - E.
Bottle #3
Written on the back side of a beer label, presumably the label that was on the bottle itself. Turned in to front desk reception (04.23.03) at the Manta Ray Bay Hotel, city of Colonia, Yap.
JASON: I have a new friend, a turtle I call Shelly. My fingernails are so long I can spearfish with them. I sleep a lot these days. p.s. What's the date? - E.
Bottle #4
Written on a sheet of emergency instructions. Found near Walung Village, Kosrae, 05.02.03.
I am trapped on an island. My friend left me here. Before he left, he told me that he's sexually excited by elves. He pretends his girlfriends have pointy ears. He got a ticket for "whipping it out" during a screening of Lord of the Rings II. Every night on this island, he peed his pants in his sleep and whimpered like a puppy. I saved his life and he left me here. Who drew these pictures of people leaving the burning plane? It's not as easy as they make it look. Please send help. Scientists can find clues on the bottle. I have faith in humanity.
Bottle #5
Written on a leaf. Found floating in Tamil Harbor, Yap by a diver, 05.06.03.
JA[illegible] pen dying on me. The rainy season is coming. Please send magazines. Have read all material inside plane. Could evacuate in water w/ flotat[illegible] in my sleep. - E.
Bottle #6
Written on lined stationary. Found by employee of Pohnpei True Value, Pohnpei, 05.20.03.
DEAR WORLD: This is Jason McCombe and Elliot Trust. We have survived a plane crash and are stranded on an island. We are not R. Crusoe types at all. We have been drinking from the drink cart and eating peanuts. Today, we had to eat toothpaste. This sucks. Please send help. p.s. Jason won't stop hitting on me. If you don't send help, I'll have to play matchmaker & carve him a pretty looking coconut crotch. By the time you get here, maybe he'll have married the coconut with the hole in it. If he has, please don't stare. He's sensitive.
Posted by Michael at July 23, 2003 07:13 PM