Lost Time Incident

August 12, 2003

Amount Due in Full

A: Gah! Who are you people?

D: That's a fair question.

T: A perfectly acceptable amount of wondering

D: We don't mind questions like that.

T: But there are questions we do mind.

D: Let's lay out some ground rules, shall we? Questions you can ask...

T: Who are you guys?

D: "People." He said "Who are you people?"

T: Who are you people?

A: Who are you people?

T: Very good.

D: Also acceptable: How much money can I give you gentlemen so that you'll leave?

T: Very good.

D: Now. For the list of unacceptable questions. "What are your names?" Or "Can I make a phone call?"

T: Or "POLICE! Somebody, HELP!"

D: That last one, you'll notice, is not even a question.

T: But it's unacceptable.

D: Absolutely.

A: Okay.

D: Okay.

A: Who are you people?

T: We are your friends.

D: Friends who do not have names, as far as you're concerned.

T: Friends who know how to get into your apartment when you're not here. Friends who believe this couch of yours is very comfortable.

D: Friends who can make you uncomfortable.

T: Those kind of friends.

A: ...

D: Did you have any other questions you wanted to ask? A question that perhaps we forgot to mention, to place on the acceptable or unacceptable lists?

T: Like perhaps you might be wondering, "Are they armed?"

D: You can just ask. We'll be happy to tell you. The answer is yes.

T: Or maybe "Would you gentlemen like anything to drink?"

D: Acceptable.

T: The answer is no.

D: We already helped ourselves.

A: ...

T: Are you thirsty? Since you just got home?

D: It's important to maintain your fluids.

T: Especially if you find yourself in a situation where you might lose some.

D: Lose some fluids, he's saying.

T: In some fashion or another, lose them.

D: Not that you'd forget where you left them. Not out-of-sight, out-of-mind fluids.

T: Oh, you'd see them go. They wouldn't be lost.

D: But you wouldn't have them anymore is the thing.

A: You guys... you guys have quite a way of, uh, playing off of each other. A snappy patter, it’s almost vaudevillian.

D: I suppose you could say that. Vaudevillian.

T: We’re alright with patter. But another aspect of vaudeville we never got down, since you brought it up, is slapstick. We’re no good at slapstick.

D: We keep using actual sticks.

T: Pretty good at slapping… but very few laughs. Very few.

D: More teeth than laughs.

T: That’s a strange comparison.

D: It’s true, though. We’ve seen more teeth come out of mouths than we’ve heard laughter on the job.

A: I could see how that might happen.

D: You could?

T: The guy's a genius.

D: Give us money, genius.

T: Einstein, by now, would have already given us the money.

D: Same with any other genius you could think of. Like the guy who invented anaesthesia.

T: Funny the conversation should take a medical turn.

A: I can get you the money.

T: Good.

D: Good.

T: Very good.

Posted by Michael at August 12, 2003 09:02 PM