Spritzomancer

Spritzomancer: An adventurer archetype for a world where everyone’s a plant. Duel-wielding spritz bottles, one with restorative water & minerals, one with weed-killer.

A crude plant bravo might engrave their bottles with decorative labels such as: PISTIL and STAMEN. Such an effort to symbolically pair reproduction with violence is considered gauche, of course, but an adventurer’s life is an outsider’s life.

The Signal: EP141

The Signal: EP141 – Exactly 45 minutes of music delivered the old-fashioned way, like your great-grandparents used to enjoy, downloading their music from a website and then trudging back home through the ice wastes to thaw out the notes by a sputtering fire while slurping fish bone stew.

This week we’ve got tones and beats, rhythms from Uganda, ska from Colombia, rockabilly from Germany, rhythm & blues and 80s pop/rock, and some other stuff I’d have a hard time categorizing but sure does sound neat when listened to all in a row.

Download by clicking on the link (or image) above. The file is available only for a limited time. If you’re interested in the tracklist, it’s in the mp3 itself, in the id3 tags. Or, if you sign up to be a member of our mailing list, The Tuned In, you’ll be among the first on the planet to know when a new mix is posted, and you’ll get a permanent archive link and the entire playlist, delivered to your inbox.

quibbling

“If I’m venomous, that means my bite contains poison. If I’m poisonous, then I’m made of poison and shouldn’t be eaten.”

“I hate riddles,” I responded as its wriggling feet slurped past my lips. “Just real quick, tell me which one you are.”

A muffled voice responded, “I feel you have me at a disadvantage and that my honesty will be in question no matter how I respond.”

find the bat

Oh boy! Oh hoy balloo! It’s Friday and we all know what that means! Grab the kids and head on down to the cavern system with the jagged stalactite maw that opens in the hill by where the Yellow Bishop got lit on fire that one time.
Grab a torch ’cause it’s time to find the bat that shares your face! There’s millions of them whirling up there but this is the week! The week you’ll find your bat twin! If you find them, they have to take human form and move into your house for a whole week, leaving you free to dangle from the cave roof, eating fruit and bugs, slowly flapping your happy wing-cape!
Oh Friday! I’m going home to the darkness!

3 Ways to Change Your Hair Color RN

1) Trade one of your most precious recurring dreams to the Gentleman of Thrice-Dark Woods. After he’s dined, and after you’ve realized what you’ve lost, he’ll gladly apply some sort of colored paste for you by way of apology.

2) Open a portal in the soft side of this world, your fingers tugging at the dimension’s fatty layers until you’re viewing the colorless obscenities that live outside all-we-know. (I assume you want WHITE hair?)

3) Close your eyes. There. Your hair’s black. Everything is black. Now press against your eyes. Your hair is now full of stars.

upgrade? [dismiss]

On the more run down side of town, you can see delivery trucks dropping off smartdoors all the time. Lots of households order a door, but the freeware version only lets you lock your door for 30 days, and then it’s time to have some other vendor drop by to install a new door and start the 30 day cycle all over again.

None of us have money to subscribe.

It’s either that or you have to watch an ad to enter your house and no one’s got time for that. Keep them free doors comin’.

new year, new me

tfw you come to yourself at the stroke of midnight, new year aborning, riding the boards of a great ship, entering a town in darkness by water, entering your home to find yourself already there, the two of you and your matching faces making eye contact, the one who was there first still typing this message, gesturing for you to sit before setting out for the docks and all that’s left is to post this and find out what’s being inherited by renouncing the sea for your shadowy twin and their social media accounts

the franchise

My Pistol Is My Passport (1957)
My Pistol Is My Draft Card (1968)
My Pistol Is My Cocaine (1974)
My Pistol Is My Buddy (1982)
My Pistol Is My Brand [Like/Comment/Subscribe] (2008 – franchise reboot)
My Pistol Is My Bitcoin (2017)