“I’m not owned! I’m not owned!”

A PLAY SET IN AN AMERICAN HIGH SCHOOL
*Putin yanks down Trump’s trousers right when he’s trying to talk to a girl*

TRUMP: Oh, this is great, my legs were so hot in those pants. I’m really enjoying this cool breeze. Thank you, my good friend.

*all bow, exeunt*


TUNE IN NEXT WEEK, WHEN…

*Putin holds Trump upside down, Trump’s head in a toilet. With his foot, Putin presses the toilet’s lever, and a flushing sound almost drowns out Trump, who is speaking the whole time.*

TRUMP: The janitorial team at this school does an excellent job! My head has never been cleaner. Good grooming habits are so important, don’t you think, my friend? Thank you for the assistance in keeping my hair moisturized!


*Putin knocks Trump’s books the ground*

TRUMP: Thanks, pal! Those books were heavy. My arms could use a break. I don’t want to get TOO muscular!


*Putin frames Trump for the murder of a prom queen*

TRUMP (as electrodes are being attached, strapped to the electric chair): Oh boy. This is a real pickle you’ve put me in, buddy! But it’s a good thing… it’s a good thing. Somehow. No, this is good. Uh. Give me a minute.