infomercial: lost time incident


Has this ever happened to you?

[A middle aged man looks back and forth between a frying pan and an egg. He seems confused. He suspects the two are related somehow, but… how?]

Well fret no more, because the “lost time incident” newsletter is here to help. For the low low cost of entering your email address into a form, you’ll start getting assorted nonsense from Michael Van Vleet delivered right into your inbox.

[A full grown man in a chicken suit throws egg after egg into the middle of a frying pan. The pan, which is dangerously hot, starts sending clouds of black smoke up as the eggs curl and burn.]

Chicken Man: “I never used to get enough emails before! And now… I get one more email! The zipper on this suit is stuck! Do you think you can–”

And what’s more, if you join today (or on Sunday), you’ll get AT NO EXTRA COST the very first issue delivered to your inbox… and the second issue delivered Sunday night! That’s two for the price of none! This offer is null and void after this weekend!

[The man in the chicken suit has pulled most of the headpiece of the suit over his head, but as it’s attached to the suit’s body, his actual head is stuck somewhere in the chicken suit’s chest. He struggles, but manages a feathery “thumbs up” gesture.]

Chicken Man: “[muffled enthusiastic sounds]”

Sign up today!