look at us, not haunted by the threat of ancient evils unleashed

People from the next village over think they’re soooo cool ’cause their intramural basketball team usually takes nationals and also because they don’t have an ancient evil in their farmland, pinned in place with a slowly degrading rune-marked plinth. Sure, it keeps getting struck by lightning, the plinth, and yes, it’s been attacked by mad-eyed mask-wearing strangers with picks and axes, but you know… we have a nice cucumber festival. We have some nice things.