lost time incident 72 – why do I number these things?

lost time incident 72

lost time incident 72
Howdy howdy howdy. Just as soon as I get these boots & spurs off, we can get this newsletter started. Just as soon as I’ve removed my 10 gallon hat and this silver star that says that I’m the closest thing this town has to “the law”, we can get this newsletter started. Okay, hold on, as soon as I take off this vest that has the little trailing leather things hanging off it, as well as these turquoise charms, we can get started. I just need to put down my six-shooter, and my rifle, and my knife, and my land grant papers, and my horse. Just… just putting them right down here. Where I can find them later. When we’re all done with this newsletter.

Okay. I think I’m all—

No, damn it, wait, I have to put down this blue sky that arcs from horizon to horizon, and all these miles of dirt, and these herds of cows, and that lazy river and then that’s it. Then I’m ready.

I’m just… I’m just going to hold on to this bighorn sheep. Just this one sheep. Okay, let’s do this. Here come more words.

The Oil of Nabgaranth – Drawn from the depths beneath the Lost City of Xxn, this oil coats your skin in a silky layer of luxuriance. As a kicky extra, it’ll also give you the perfect beach body once the tentacles finish growing in and stop aching! Surf’s up!

Product 18 – Sorry, we signed a non-disclosure agreement, but our lawyers have informed us that we must say, in this public forum, that this oil is essential.

S-oil – We mean “soil.” For agriculture. Just wanted to end the list with a fun little joke. But seriously, if we lose our topsoil, we’ve lost everything. You can’t eat sand.


Petition to Start Every Day by Sticking Arms Straight Up From Bed and Intoning “I…. RETURN!”


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a poster

to a musical
— bring your beautiful bones —
**free calcium chews with every admission but you have to eat them immediately**
Ogres But Not the Kind That Eat Bones
Slurptime and The Marrow Spiders


secrets revealed
So much of magic is just done with staples. Not a lot of people know that.

Rabbit in a hat? It’s pinned in there with animal-friendly staples.

Crystal ball? Full of staples. You can hear ’em if you slosh the ball around.

Is this your card? Nope. It’s just a pile of loose staples.

Every star and moon on my robes is stapled on.

The magic was inside you all along and that’s too bad, because now the magic is stuck there. You shouldn’t be eating staples.


ending theme song
Not that you asked, but progress is still being made on the e-book project that’s going to consist of the best  micro-fiction I’ve produced over the last year or so. I’ve got pieces picked out, sorted, labeled by theme. Now all that’s left is everything else, and then I’ll be done.

My social media fasting continues. In order to fuel progress on this e-book’s creation, I’ve sworn off the two big time-suck sites I was addicted to and now my social media belt can be tightened a few loops. And all this is costing me is the ability to stay in touch with the few friends I’ve managed to keep as an introverted adult, further isolating myself in service of a writing project whose target audience is unknown, but likely would have included some of these friends if they knew it existed, which they won’t if I don’t go back.

Someday I’ll go back.

Not today, though. Too much writing still to do.

Type-ity type-ity.

—Michael Van Vleet

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