lost time incident 84
There’s a heat advisory today in the Bay Area as temperatures climb up to around 90, maybe, which doesn’t seem quite hot enough for a heat advisory. The weather people, though, they know we’re soft. I’m hiding inside, windows open for cross breezes, glancing out the window suspiciously at all that sunlight bouncing off the red flowers the hummingbirds are enjoying.
I haven’t been writing as much microfiction recently for two reasons: the day job has been kicking my butt, and my current preferred writing project is role-playing-related. (I’m trying to write up a horror scenario concept I came up with into a suitable condition for self-publishing.)
But there’s enough good stuff to fill out a newsletter. Want proof? Okay, here we go!
you didn’t get into one of the good wizard schools (roll 1d6)
1) A rat wearing a band-aid cordially invites you to Larry’s Spell Hut Down By the Highway
2) An email invites you to Lovely Brides Magic Delivery Upon Deposit
3) Welcome to the Magic Wand Warehouse, we prosecute shoplifters
4) An acceptance letter to Codfrey’s College (Illuminated) won’t let go of your hand
5) Univ. of Arkon Plumbottom says: You’re in!
6) Your check bounced but with Discount Wizardz, you can pay us with eggs
official U.S. high school social hierarchy reference for fiction
- TOP – The Golden Teeth Children – wealthy, have replaced much of their body with gold (internally)
- 2nd – Puppet Club Members
- 3rd – Sports Moppets
- 4th – The A/V Consortium and their Unseen Tapes
- 5th – The one kid with the leather jacket
- 6th – The one kid with the denim jacket
- 7th – Class Clowns
- 8th – Economists
- 9th – Smaller children passing as older children (trench coats, stacking, fake mustache)
- 10th – List Compilers
wake me up in 5000 years
They say dress for the job you want, which is why I’m dressed like a warrior from the distant past, awakened from my eternal slumber, determined to seek revenge (in between comical interludes where I interact clumsily with the modern era, astounded by how things have changed from back in my day).
ending theme song
Okay! Those sure were some words, hey kids? There’s no way you can mistake it for anything else. It wasn’t an ice sculpture. It wasn’t a majestic redwood, towering in the coastal mist. It wasn’t a gothic protagonist from an old paperback’s cover fleeing from a dark building on a hill while wearing only a nightgown. It wasn’t a pet’s water bowl. It wasn’t a quarterly 401k report that you’ll file unread.
The twist: OR WAS IT!?!?
Okay, gotta go, after that amazing story twist where this email was actually a redwood tree, I gotta head down to the highway on-ramp, stick out my thumb, and make it to Hollywood where The Twilight Zone collective plies their trade. I can’t hide this light under a bushel. I don’t even know where I’d find a bushel.
Oh, and real quick, if you still haven’t picked up my e-book, don’t worry: the world’s power grid is still fairly stable, so you can go download it for free (or you could pay for it, moneybags): https://gumroad.com/l/witchestown
You don’t even have to read it. Just put it on a computer or e-book reader and then update your will so, after you’re gone, your kids won’t fight about who gets to inherit it. Otherwise, they’re totally gonna. It’ll be a bloodbath.
Nobody wants that.
Well, maybe Big Blood, the industry flacks who are always bribing legislators to use more blood. But other than them…
—Michael Van Vleet
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