not the punchlines I remember

What is the difference between a sabertoothed tiger and a tuna fish sandwich?

Well if you don’t know, I’m not putting you in charge of lunch orders.

But I am putting you in charge of a top secret initiative to bring extinct species back to life with the explicit goal of letting them break free and kill as many humans as possible, making for a slow, inefficient way at tackling climate change.

What do you call an 800 lb gorilla sitting in your living room?

Charles! My god, it’s Charles, my 800 lb gorilla son! Back from the war!

My boy, you never wrote! We thought you died in some muddy trench, or tangled in barbed wire! They sent us your dog tags and a medal! A letter from the president, Charlie!

Why did they ever let a gorilla enlist, I cried! What good is a president’s sympathy when my family is shattered!

But now! You’re back! HOW?!? Oh never mind that, let me get a kettle on…