Olive Garden’s Sincere Regrets


Man, the internet is weird.

Someone out there has to pretend to be a restaurant and they’re just trying to get people to buy pasta. Then someone comes along who wants to share about their deceased sister, because talking to chain restaurants comes somewhere around the “acceptance” stage of grief now, apparently.

Now the bar is set. If at least three brands don’t offer their condolences when I’m gone, I’m going to feel like a failure. And I don’t mean on social media. I want someone at the ceremony, in cosplay, looking solemn, shaking hands… throwing in some free appetizers.