retirement planning

By 35, retirement experts say you should have replaced at least one of your eyes with a dark mirror that separates truth from lies, crafted a hutch of sticks and leaves outside the village, and said at least 300 sooths a year on average to build a sooth stockpile for lean years.

By the age of 35, retirement experts recommend that you have your entire body replaced with a crude straw replica with buttons for eyes. The trained wolves sent by debt collectors will tear apart this effigy in your stead while you safely hibernate beneath the cracked earth, waiting for the rainy season.