we now go to our on-the-spot reporter, Shadows-On-Soft-Leaves

A community of pointy-eared forest dwellers all agree: the giant tree in the center of their leaf-thatched village sucks.

“Bark,” spat one. “Ugh.”

“I don’t see why it had to grow so high. What could possibly be up there?” added another.

“We’d burn it down,” said Dewlip, a local elder, “if we knew how.”