Category: Words Words Words

no, what? I am not “opening like a cocoon, like a wet shuffling thing being, cracking free from a human frame, emerging as something new and terrible”

I’m just doing an unboxing video and I’m the box. Standard issue self-promotion. Like, comment, subscribe.

Bad news, folks, the design consultant we hired for the cult says we shouldn’t have tentacles in the logo. I told them “they’re not actually tentacles, that’s just how The Thing Outside looks like when viewed in three (or four) dimensions” and they said “well, that explanation doesn’t fit on a business card” so we’re back and square one.

♫ how would you like / to be eaten / by rats? ♫

just a little jingle I’m writing for my service where … where people get eaten by rats, where I get paid because people want to be eaten by rats, because the jingle was so catchy they were like “hey, maybe I want to be eaten by rats”

1. Too Many Windows
2. Ghost in the Garbage Disposal
3. 1920s Party Still Going Full Swing But Oops, Also Evidence of an Ancient Murder
4. Cotton Spiderwebs, Peeled Grapes in a Bowl
5. Jump Scare Central, Check Yr Corners, Cover Yr Mirrors
6. Smells Bad

People from the next village over think they’re soooo cool ’cause their intramural basketball team usually takes nationals and also because they don’t have an ancient evil in their farmland, pinned in place with a slowly degrading rune-marked plinth. Sure, it keeps getting struck by lightning, the plinth, and yes, it’s been attacked by mad-eyed mask-wearing strangers with picks and axes, but you know… we have a nice cucumber festival. We have some nice things.

Sweet the Observed. Adherents serve this tiny god when they stage a marriage proposal, or gawk at same. Sweet lives behind the eyes of the person aiming the Kiss Cam during a sporting event. Delivered flowers. Petaled paths. Documenting intimacy for public consumption.

Tickle Friend. Lives in the space between wiggling fingers and ribs. A faith that fills the gap between “I’m not touching you” and laughing at the idea of touch. Phantom ants when sitting in grass. Phantom ticks in the woods. Phantom spiders in bed.