how ya like them apples

[walking in a field, making apple noises, looking to be devoured by horses]

[in a field, wearing a t-shirt that has handwritten on it I AM A SUGARCUBE, holding a phone]

“Siri, look up if horses can read.”

[in a field, hair in pigtails, in pajamas, hugging a pillow, talking to horses]

“omg you guys, let’s play Truth or Dare, I’ll go first: I DARE you to eat me like I was an apple! Just chew me right up!”

FROM: Apex Brand Management
RE: online identity package

We’re telling you, this is what’s going to put your name on the map. You’re going to be The Guy Who Wants Horses to Eat Him and Is Willing to Trick Horses to Accomplish This Task.

It’s a market niche that has literally ZERO competition, baby. The field, where you’re going to die, because you were eaten by horses… it’s wide open.

If I wasn’t in a field, wearing a suit woven from alfalfa, I’d be upset at how many people were ignoring the ***CONFIDENTIAL – DO NOT REPOST*** notice on my last post.

And yes… I MYSELF ignored it when my brand manager labeled their email with it, but you have to understand: I have a problem with authority! And the only cure is to get eaten by horses!