a depraved child of low moral character: There are some things for girls and some things for boys and there should be an equal amount of each to be fair

you (a good child, keen of wit): Whatever you can wrest with your own two hands is yours as your grasp is the only truth in this benighted world

1. Mama Roach – Housekeeping protocol enforcement. Controls “lights out.”
2. Elvin – Geology module installed. Talks to rocks. Doesn’t sleep.
3. Kazock the Incredible – As required by law, an entertainment bot. Knows 3 magic tricks.
4. MO1ST
5. Sgt. Accounts – Armed paperwork management.
6. Lance – Medic. Frequently breaks test tubes w/ its claws.

The abandoned factory with its basement full of unused sparks in dizzying loose mounds.

The inaccessible stretch of beach that the seagulls circle, never landing.

The portal to a wonderland where your childhood toys are in a heap, damp, chewed on… guarded.

I have so many ideas for places to go on first dates, you guys.

1) The venom sheep got out and are in the forest and have eaten all the corn trees, so herd them back for gold or a sword that’s worse than the one you have.

2) Please deliver a marriage proposal to Bruiser.

3) The chief’s daughter has been kidnapped. Convert her bedroom into a rental.

4) Win a pie-eating contest. Gemma can’t win. Not again.

5) All the snakes in the Pit need names. And sweaters. Get in there. Knit. Name.

6) Go away.

1. Dry Gulch Sam, a mascot character with a giant foam head, who is tied to the well in the town’s center.
2. Lamb, a lamb.
3. The Bartender, who ignores all questions and never offers a name.
4. Jacksonian Emmet, the “revenue-er” and his wagon of forms.
5. Sheriff Able Goodpowder, who has moved her rocking chair into the graveyard outside of town where she sits, reading and waiting.
6. A fish. In a bowl. With a knife.

In a world… where brick walls have been OUTLAWED…

[footage of military types demolishing a wall w/ a machine gun]

One… person… STANDS UP!

[a dirty individual with a person-sized brick wall strapped to their back walks into the light of a camp fire holding a mic-shaped stick]

comic: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! So great to see you all this evening–

a voice from the fire: He’s got A WALL!

THIS SUMMER… THE WALLS COME DOWN!

[PG]

1) The navigation AI has fallen for the medical AI and they’ve circumvented the logical barriers separating them. Neither is useful as they… commingle.

2) Space puppies. Gotta stop and pet ’em. And not ask how they got in.

3) There’s more space than there was a little while ago and you’re in the middle.

4) General strike. Laser guillotine.

5) Dracula.

6) Corporate says all systems are pay-for-play now. Crew has terrible credit.

By the age of 35, retirement experts say you should:
* Be master of the thundering fist
* Have survived a score of tournaments on remote islands hosted by villains, fighting your way though entire circles of henchmen who attack 1-on-1
* Have, like, $18 in assets. Be reasonable. I mean, who’s gonna pay you to, like, “thunder fist” all over the place? Are they hiring at the Thunder Fist Factory? That’s not even a thing. C’mon.

1 – The giant scorpions that will eat you once night falls are providing a decent amount of shade as they hover over you, waiting.

2 – Your solar-powered music-playing wristband is still playing your GOOD TIMES JAMZ music mix which keeps spirits up.

3 – Whoever rescues you is going to feel REAL good about themselves.

4 – Man it’s hot.

5 – So hot… too hot to…

6 – …