Please ask your rich friends to follow this account and let me know who they are, so I can be nice to them. I’m not sure I can create a funny enough GoFundMe so that when I am finally struck down for my many sins I can attract pity money with some chuckles. I need to plan ahead.
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A nurse pulls my phone out of my bandaged hands and I collapse back into the hospital bed. She scrolls a bit.
“I didn’t laugh once at any of this. Not once. It’s like you don’t want to recover.”
In a delirium I sense that I’m being moved.
“Some of our patients do their most creative work in this hallway,” says the nurse. “They find it motivating. Probably because the sliding external doors for this wing are stuck open and we let coyotes roam the halls at night.”