punching retirement as hard as you can

By the age of 35, retirement experts say you should:
* Be master of the thundering fist
* Have survived a score of tournaments on remote islands hosted by villains, fighting your way though entire circles of henchmen who attack 1-on-1
* Have, like, $18 in assets. Be reasonable. I mean, who’s gonna pay you to, like, “thunder fist” all over the place? Are they hiring at the Thunder Fist Factory? That’s not even a thing. C’mon.