Ways to “Beat the Heat”

1) Slow your metabolism and sink into a mud pit deep enough to allow you a half foot clearance above your submerged form. Wait there, in torpor, until the floods come, though the earth may crack.

2) Drink plenty of fluids, except blood, except if you’re a Dracula in which case yes even blood could help.

3) Try to “neg” the sun. Ask it how it did in school. Ask it if it physically hurts to be so widely known to have been a poor student, as incandescent balls of gas go.