Category Archives: Words Words Words

cruelty of mermaids

So terrible to be dragged underneath the lilypads by mermaids when you were only trying to drink.

Even worse when they throw you back on shore and make cutting comments about you.

“Why would we eat someone with a haircut like that?”

“Go try some other pond to drink, with your earthworm lips. Go on and WALK there, Legs.”

“Spend another year eating pastries then come on back, skinny.”

C’mon. I can drown as well as anyone.

VARIETIES OF GHOSTS

Blue Humbugs – Noted for their pallor, their lack of interest in answering questions, and are moving away from you as the universe expands

Howling Jerries – Technically the loudest of spirits, but you still need to get your ear or spirit horn right up to their mouths to hear them, and you’ll only find out they have opinions. Avoid.

Big Doof – Under my bed and come out, the big doof.

Fingy Glows – They touch y ou in the da rk wif dey FINGIES and you g et so scared you can’t t ype

the mirror’s day off

It’s Saturday and we all know what that means! You can put away your combs and ointments, because our Mirror Siblings have the day off! Every reflective surface in the village today is uninhabited because our reversed selves are visiting their Hush Cocoons and resting up for the coming week, when they’ll once again have to match our every movement.

Such dedication! Nature’s wonder, those cocoons, which muffle the shrieking of creatures who’ll never choose their own path!

elderly exchange

It’s Wednesday and we all know what that means! Time to take your elderly down to the village square for the weekly Elder Exchange. Swap out the wrinkly creature who’s been parked by your fire pit all week for a new one that’s slightly different shaped, but will at least have new complaints and may tell new stories.

Every bit of lore we know was passed down from these valued elder relatives, so get down there and haggle for the best ones before they’re gone! Wednesdays!

A bit of friendly advice: Don’t trade for the following:

Mushroom-Eyed Ada – She’s all the time talking about how much she can now see since she swapped her eyes for mushrooms. Gross.

Mr. Lump – No one knows his real name, but there’s an old guy under those rags somewhere. Doesn’t talk. Smells a bit. Very active at night.

Dannica Hazelfountain – Only remembers one spell and it turns food into smoke. Only useful if you don’t eat, or if you breathe smoke comfortably. Good way to meet the village fire patrol, though.

well pennies

Please stop tossing pennies into the well. The spirit of the well doesn’t need pennies to grant your wishes. The spirit needs a ladder. It wants to crawl out of the well, dripping with goodwill, grinning with wet teeth, ready to assist young lovers and lonely widows with its wish-granting, moist fingertips.

No more pennies. Can’t eat any more pennies. Only ladder. A ladder in the dark.

wednesday

It’s Wednesday and we all know what that means! Time to take your elderly down to the village square for the weekly Elder Exchange. Swap out the wrinkly creature who’s been parked by your fire pit all week for a new one that’s slightly different shaped, but will at least have new complaints and may tell new stories.

Every bit of lore we know was passed down from these valued elder relatives, so get down there and haggle for the best ones before they’re gone! Wednesdays!


A bit of friendly advice: Don’t trade for the following:

Mushroom-Eyed Ada – She’s all the time talking about how much she can now see since she swapped her eyes for mushrooms. Gross.

Mr. Lump – No one knows his real name, but there’s an old guy under those rags somewhere. Doesn’t talk. Smells a bit. Very active at night.

Dannica Hazelfountain – Only remembers one spell and it turns food into smoke. Only useful if you don’t eat, or if you breathe smoke comfortably. Good way to meet the village fire patrol, though.

stitchwork

There’s no surer sign of the decline of home economics in the village than the sight of shambling horrors parading down the path from the castle, each a chimera stitched from creatures and men, yet by the time they reach our square, they’ve lost AT LEAST one limb, strings trailing behind them.

An attempt to abduct a single child then prompts MORE rupturing and once again, we have to apportion precious well water to mopping unspooled monsters off the cobblestones.

Shoddy stitchwork. It’s shameful.

an advertisement

Has this ever happened to you?

“My magic tome drinks too much blood!”

“I have a month’s worth of summoning ahead of me… and I’m starting to look like a prune because of how much blood it takes to cover the walls and ceilings with sigils to keep the Unfathomable Powers from wrenching my home into the void!”

“There HAS to be a better way!”

NOW there is! Come on down to The Grove of Runnels after dark for 98% off our selections of liquids!

Come alone! And after drinking a big glass of water! We’ll stay open ’til you get here!

It’s Friday!

It’s Friday and we all know what that means! It’s the day of the week when the Select must travel to the well and confirm that the silver nails driven into the soil that cap the pit are intact. A careful count, verified by three parties, and if any nails are missing, they must be replaced. A quick summoning of the Mistress of Soft Oak so we can give thanks (the gift of two favorite memories, gone forever) for her part in sealing the well and we’re ready for the weekend!

PARTY TIME!


This is why the Select have a rotating membership. By the time any of their number are left with a head full of neutral grey memories, they’re replaced with someone else who’s lived a life of delight: caresses, tongue sweetness, soft lights, etc.

Then the new member is slowly stripped of that accumulated joy to protect the village. Every debt must be paid, or so it’s said. And chanted. And sung in rotating choruses for weeks on end when the nights grow long.

costume idea

Perfect Halloween costume:
The person who forgot it was Halloween a few days ago.

YOU WILL NEED:
Phrasebook: “Aww man, it was Halloween already? I’ve been so busy… I had the perfect costume.” and “Yeah, no, I know it was days ago, but like… trick or treat?”

Normal clothing

Sincerity

ENJOY ALL THE CANDY YOU’RE GONNA GET NOW THAT ALL YOUR COMPETITION HAS MOVED ON!