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M of Ragged Feathers

oh no a trickster god turned my desires against me and instead of granting my wishes, i’m now a scarecrow in an empty field, clutching a phone with spotty wifi, typing out these words with my increasingly straw-flimsy fingers

oh nooooo o

Jazzy Doom

@signalstation what did you wish for

M of Ragged Feathers

to be a scarecrow in an empty field clutching a phone with excellent high speed internet and strong fingers made of straw

The roving carnival pulls into town. Out the school window you see figures pounding stakes, raising tents, lights on strings arcing across the park as whirling amusements power up.

That night, after a rushed dinner, you walk the strawdust paths of the carnival, gawping at stuffed animals, darts, funhouses and music, so enchanted it takes you a while to notice that every carnie is dressed like a plague doctor, their faces under leather beaked masks.

They cry: Step right up and let us cure you!

It was much easier, pre-technology, to rent a cabin on the shore of a cursed lake.

Used to be families could disappear, but you and your terrified community knew you could continue to appease the lake because westward expansion would continue to deliver new renters.

These days, you spend all your time politely responding to AirBnB reviews like “Thanks for the feedback about the missing children. We did mention that risk in our listing, but can offer a 10% rebooking discount for next time!”

YOU HAVE SIGNED UP FOR
Dracula’s House of Jokes!
A DISTRIBUTION NETWORK FOR laughs! RUN BY [undisclosed]

TODAY’S MESSAGE
What do you get if you come to my grand estate outside of town beyond the mists I can have my driver pick you up ha ha ha no don’t put the part where I’m laughing that makes it sound like a trap no don’t say anything about a trap this is a nice mailing list for jokes and invitations to my estate oh it’s ruined do not send

[UNSUBSCRIBE]
[next billing cycle: Jul 1]

A SLOVENLY CHILD: oh boy, that was a good meal, time to go outside and play, abandoning my dishes on the table and not washing my hands!

YOU (A GOOD CHILD): anything I’ve touched must be cleansed with fire lest it fall into the hands of my enemies, who can fashion a totem from any crumb that touched my lips and bend the universe against me through the connection I once had with it… I must move through this world without a trace

Drag down the sky and chain it out back, it’s Friday and it’s time to FOLLOW!

Sharpen your teeth and wind your hempen binders, it’s time to follow the following:

) The Stars – See how they bend?

) Ajdur, The Mouth Full of Ashes – Want to be rid of desire, dancing for months straight in service of this being that drowns pleasure in its wake? Follow!

) Kult Buddies (TM) – If you prefer your cultist robe to have a cute logo & your name on it, follow the KBs! They’re hiring! Ask for Gary!

Who wants to come over and play board games? I’ve got ’em all, I’ve got:

* ESCAPE from SEVERAL MONKEYS ISLAND
* DICE MASSACRE
* THAT’S LIFE: The Game Played with Wet Napkins
* ALIENS ABDUCTED MY HEALTHCARE
* Prussia 1882: 700 Miniature Soldiers Edition with Kickstarter Exclusive Bandage Packs and Soggy Boots
* Monopoly (SACCO & VANZETTI edition)

[relatable content for good children june 27 2018 early edition]

TEEN: aw man, my parents are so uncool, they always hide the car keys inside this drawer full of amulets that quiver with power and draw the eye and hand from across the room with unspoken compulsion and I just need to get in practice with parallel parking

YOU (A GOOD CHILD): grasp the amulets and let them burn your skin. we won’t need cars when we can master the air itself

Got the new StoMACH 2 installed at my neighborhood organic street surgery ’cause my job updating database tags to add “mood” descriptors to financial transactions had me feeling confident I’d be able to afford the patented StoMACH 2 vitamin slurry packets, like, forever, but even though I prepaid for a 5 year contract, their funding didn’t come through so the admins all moved to an undersea tax shelter, all orders cancelled and I can’t digest anything

how’s your Monday going?

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Found out the translation plugin I got in my throat for this trip has been translating everything I say into a sales pitch for vitamin supplements because my payment for the paid version didn’t go through and the ad-supported freemium version got hacked by pharmaceutical unaffiliates, so…

How’s your Monday going?