The three ghosts that visited me over Christmas are still here.

Now they’re holding boxes of candy. They’re dropping Valentine’s cards and roses in every room while I sleep, moaning about how I need to change my ways.

I have to live here, spirits, please.

Our great ship has frozen into the ice, which itself slowly circles this cursed bay where the sun can barely life itself above the horizon.

At night, the ice moans and cracks, pressing in, attempting to crush the hull.

But we’ve got a 5x match for those who donate now and your name will be carved into the prow as part of our Donators of Note if you click below.

[DONATE] [UNSUBSCRIBE]

1. There is not a magic fish that grants wishes only to those with ADHD. That fish will grant wishes to anyone who catches it.
2. The magic fish doesn’t do ironic wish-granting. To the best of its ability, it will grant your request.
3. The magic fish doesn’t really comprehend human language and will decide what you have wished based on “vibes.”
4. Yes, you still get the wish, even if you put the fish back. Or don’t fish at all. Sorry. Good luck.

Alone for the holidays? Did you know you can carve a face in a potato, or an apple, and just like that, you’ve ruined a potato, or an apple?

Still got some last minute holiday shopping to do? Did you know that the bottom of any lake can hold more secrets than you can possibly contain inside of you?

Give the gift of screaming into a lake this holiday season!

oh boy, another #FollowFriday, let’s get you sorted. You should follow:

Sweet Petal, goddess of loam, the flower sprouting out of a skull’s eye, beloved of midwives and farmers. Doing a 2-for-1 on blessings this month for new followers.

“Party” Atoyl, self-proclaimed god of “having fun at the bottom of a pit,” still down at the bottom of the pit we put him in after he attempted to eat the village well. Keep an eye on them.

Kleympt, guardian of lost treasure. Because, you know. Treasure.

1. Yeti on the Move – Big hair EVERYWHERE, with reindeer blood accents. For those in the know, it’s ABOMINABLE snow. Yeti? Yow!

2. Santa Dragged Out of a Lake, Dead – Big smiles, bluish skin, light and free as someone who’s off-duty FOREVER. Red, white and WHO is THAT?!? Cold AND hot!

3. Stick Bug – That’s it, bend those angular limbs out, baby, it’s Stick Bug season. Sometimes limbs, sometimes sticks… SHHHH! The birds will NEVER know. A sexy secret!

Can a Turkey Take a Punch? Can You Take an Offramp to Find Out? 5 Miles to Jack Fancy’s Turkey Fight!

There’s Still Time to Turn Around ‘Cause You Just Missed Jack Fancy’s Turkey Fight! 1 Exit Back!

Why Did You Abandon Us? The Turkeys Have Won! Our Lives Are Ruined! We Were Counting On You to Help Even the Odds! Even As Moral Support, You Could Have Turned the Tide! Doom Is Upon Us! Drive Safe!

It’s Wednesday and we all know what that means! If you have any older family members who made ill-advised bargains with dark powers (despite telling you throughout your childhood not to do that), today’s the day to head over and visit.

And if they’re pinned to the ceiling in a pool of black bile, limbs twisting, cursing the Entity, be sure to get a broomstick and roll them over so the bile doesn’t have a chance to try and really stick ’em up there.

We found a mosquito in amber. We sampled the blood it contained. We used all our knowledge to clone that DNA and now we’re proud to announce:

DROP OF BLOOD PARK!

[2 days later]

Good lord, the drop of blood got loose!