Tired of paying name brand exorcists to stop by your haunted house with their fancy holy symbols, arcane texts and pale eyes, knowing you’re just helping pay for another sage-scented yacht or diamond-encrusted tomb ward?
<Click here> to subscribe to our exclusive newsletter to learn how to drive away spirits at a FRACTION of the cost using only common household items.
Come on down to Tex’s Coffin Warehouse!
We got ALL kinds of coffins! Don’t believe us? Huh… well, how about we prove it then? Check THIS out!
Available now:
The Signal: EP148 – Exactly 45 minutes of hand-picked tunes for your shell-like ears. This time out, we’ve got some slinky R&B, some jump-up-and-down Brazilian magic, a bit of hip hop, some soul, crushing guitar-led instrumental rock and what happens when you don’t dream… and MORE! Wow! Sounds good, right?
Download by clicking on the link (or image) above. The file is available only for a limited time. If you’re interested in the tracklist, it’s in the mp3 itself, in the id3 tags. Or, if you sign up to be a member of our mailing list, The Tuned In, you’ll be among the first on the planet to know when a new mix is posted, and you’ll get a permanent archive link and the entire playlist, delivered to your inbox.
Just for kicks, I’ve continued my new habit of seeing how much of the Signal mix I can recreate in Spotify. I never find all the tracks I use, but if you’re a Spotify user… there’s this limited version of EP148 available.
Thanks for supporting my Kickstarter to build a crazy straw long enough to drink the water on Mars!
Let’s look at some unlock goals!
$300K – Free crazy straw sanitizer for all backers, ’cause we’re all using the same straw and I don’t want us to all get sick
$600K – sTiCkErS!
$900K – I will cancel this Kickstarter and go live in a cave, living on a diet of your money which I will also sleep on
Is your blood… dirty?
Do you have dirty DIRTY blood?
How can you know?
C’mon down to the abandoned mini-mall that used to have the check-cashing place and for the low low fee of a coupon from a pizza parlor for free garlic bread, our expert blood handlers will descend from the eaves and perform a simple diagnostic.
You don’t have to live with dirty blood anymore!
Don’t be the last person on your block with dirty, filthy, nasty blood in your body!
“”I’ve got three roommates, you think I’d care if one of them was an angry ghost?”
“The hardest thing to believe about that movie wasn’t the creepy doll moving about the house, but the fact that anyone lives in a house at all.”
Imagine, if you will, another world much like ours, but where the word for “murder” is “burger.”
“Detective, thank goodness you’re here… there’s been a burger!”
“Please have everyone gather in the study. Don’t let anyone leave.”
—
The detective calmly smokes a pipe, staring into a fireplace. As everyone settles down, she turns. “Thank you all for joining us here. I’m afraid none of you may leave, because one of you… is a burgerer!”
—
Pretty crazy, right? It’s enough to make Rod Serling puke.
Look, I like to give to charity as much as anyone, but are you sure this child’s dying wish was to strap me to an obsidian bench and carve out underneath my ribs such that I “form a portal through which the White and Cold Eternal Flower will bloom, enter this world and ring bells with its deep roots that can never be unrung”?
) drink water, but not water what’s got stuff in it already, just the regular kind can’t look back at you
) dirt don’t hurt
) move your limbs and if you’re too tired, try and grow some new limbs instead ’cause limb growth’ll burn calories too
) affirmations: look into a mirror and say “At least I ain’t that sorry 2D em-effer.” Then high-five that flat bastard, it ain’t their fault they’s stuck in a mirror
) purge the unbelievers with fire and sharp stones
) be grateful #tips
Just in time for summer, try on some of these social media “power moves”!
1 – A videotape of your friend to be, shot with a shaky hand from a distance. Hey! You already know where they go– and what they did. Now you HAVE to be friends!
2 – A perfumed card, delivered by carriage reading “I humbly request the gift of your friendship.”
3 – Forget friends! Shed your clothes and run over hills, free as birds! Let them find YOU, under a rock & shivering!